Language Troubles (dissecting of speech)

I am having a little trouble with language.

Specifically, the term “Bi-weekly”. You see it means BOTH twice a week and every two weeks. So, when my hot new girlfriend says that we should make love bi-weekly – I’m flummoxed. Now granted, we are just getting to know more and more about each other (and things are flowering nicely, thank you) but if she wants sex with me twice a week… I’m very excited about that. If she meant every other week… I’m thinking that maybe she’s a prude.

Again, there is still much about this woman I don’t know. Is she a clever shopper – or does she ‘Buy Weakly’? Maybe she shops, only, every Saturday which means that she Buys Weekly.

What if her sexual orientation is not what I assume, and she is ‘Bi’ Weekly – or every other week in which case she would be ‘Bi’ bi-weekly. More confusing yet, would be, if she’s not very good at being ‘Bi’ but intended to keep working at it. So, for the present time she is ‘Bi’ bi-weekly weakly.

Does she even know any bisexual people? It is hardly a common ‘getting to know you’ question. I really never thought to ask. She certainly never asked me. If you don’t know anybody in your social network who is bisexual can you solicit that sort of behavior? Perhaps rent the experience? Is she the kind of woman who would buy ‘Bi’ bi-weekly’? And if her purchasing skills are inept… again she would buy ‘Bi’ bi-weekly weakly.

Fact: Dating is tough.

Just a few short paragraphs ago I was getting laid twice a week by a dynamic and eager new love. Now I’m thinking that every other week I’m getting set aside in a uni-gendered tryst of ambiguous proportions. One week I’m happy as a clam. The next it’s: “bye bye, I’m off to buy ‘Bi’ bi-weekly weakly. Love you!”

I could revise my previous ‘Fact’ statement into: “love is hard to come by” – but the homonyms I could twist out of that one could warp my suddenly fragile ego.


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